After our raw milk experiment, we’ve been back to more frequent outbursts, defiance and aggression as the casein works its way out of Logan’s system. I alternate between feeling angry at myself for trying something I knew was too soon, frustrated once again for remembering how to be patient with Logan, how to handle the sudden wails and flappings, and most of all deflated for the thought that we came so close—did we ruin it?
Will we get back to where we once were, with a long chain of positive, upbeat days (albeit with challenges, but definitely reasonable ones), or did we, in our eagerness to push too much, wreck the delicate microbe balance in Logan’s gut beyond repair? It does seem a little drastic to think chances of repair are completely gone … but there’s always that niggling of the five-year window of opportunity, before the cement dries.
Small victories are definitely needed these days, and one I’m grateful for is simply that Logan isn’t constantly asking for milk. During our two-week experiment, he asked for it constantly—I was so sure we’d have a disaster on our hands when we took it away (again). But Logan hasn’t mentioned milk once. It’s either out of sight, out of mind, or he somehow realized the milk was upsetting his body in some way, too.
Another small victory came in the kitchen last week, when I successfully made cauliflower rice and zucchini-noodle spaghetti (and all in the same day, no less!).
I began my monster day cooking at 4 a.m., desperately hoping the whirling food processor didn’t wake anyone upstairs. It reminded me of a late night in high school when a friend and I smuggled her parent’s blender into her basement and tried to muffle the noise with couch cushion as we blended ice cubes, vodka and strawberries. How times have changed.
Like that time, everyone remained asleep, and I was able to chop my onion and garlic in peace (or as much peace that can possibly come with cutting onions and eyes ablaze). I followed the directions meticulously, and the “rice” actually turned out beautifully.
It was perfect to send to daycare for Chinese food and chopsticks day.
Later that day, around 4 p.m., I decided to try another new recipe for zucchini noodles and spaghetti sauce. I may as well use up the rest of the onion I’d cut, I figured—plus , I’m just so sick of our steak, chicken, fish rotation that I’m willing to try anything, despite my absolute loathing of cooking.
I began with meatballs, ignoring the squishy texture of raw meat while I smooshed in the mint, onions, garlic and oregano that I’d chopped. I felt very proud of myself.
With my chest thrust, it was time to tackle the sauce and noodles. But then, Jason came home, and took over—which was probably a good thing, so I could quit while I was ahead. Three cooking victories in one day would probably require more luck than I’m allotted.
Tomatoes aren’t allowed on the Body Ecology Diet, but I decided to overrule here, because A) the tomatoes we used were organic, B) Logan probably wouldn’t like it, anyway, and only eat a bite or two, and C) I’m so sick of plain steak, chicken and fish I could die.
It, too, was delicious. The kids weren’t crazy about it, but I suspect that’s because it was a little spicy – I suspect if we made it again without the serrano pepper the recipe called for, they’d be more receptive.
Despite this small victory, I’m still reminded of how f*king hard this diet and lifestyle is. It takes taking a day off work and cooking six hours for these two healthy meals. It very likely took Jason coming in to help with the trickiest part to pull off a stellar dish. As much as I hate steak, chicken and fish, there’s a reason why we fall into that rut. New dishes require patience and time, neither of which I have. Routine may be boring, but it is easy.